Seriously contemplating prostitution or swallowing balloons filled with heroin to smuggle across the border……these are the thoughts good parents think, when faced with money troubles….good parents make sacrifices and are willing to do anything to take care off their offspring. Usually the sacrifices are not so extreme….becoming a whore or drug runner are “worst case scenarios”.
DISCLAIMER***I may be divorced, but, I AM NOT VULNERABLE, LONELY, OR DESPERATE! I was told that no one would love me or really care about me….guys were only gonna wanna f*ck me. I told them they were wrong. Sad that I am starting to believe them. Or rather, shame on the ones that are proving him right!! I have plenty of good people in my life, I am not lonely. I like hanging out with myself, I am not lonely. Please feel free to delete yourself if your only my “friend” with hopes of getting my number. I personally am gonna start deleting people that will not take no for an answer or don’t treat me with respect. BOOM!! BOUNDARIES BITCHES…AND I JUST DREW MY LINE!!!
TO BE CONTINUED…………….This is what my rant was going to be about this evening, however, I’m too tired to rant, hence the “to be continued……”.
For those of you who read my blog, and according to my stats there have been 37 views today, which either means that at least 37 people are reading my blog orrrrrrr, if it counts me as a “viewing” every time I check my blog and stats, well then, maybe 7 people are reading this stuff….maybe 8.
Regardless of the numbers, because if it does count me as a number each time I view my own words then I would like to disregard that fact and pretend like I never mentioned the possibility of being my own stat.
So, tonight when I get off work, it will be a Friday night and I have no plans and no child aaannnnddd something has been bothering me and I’m getting a little riled up and when I get riled up…..well, some of my best work comes from my riled up mind.
Therefore, I hope to see all 7 or 37 of you on my viewing stats tomorrow….I will appreciate it and so will you, hopefully….unless you area guy, because it may get you all riled up….but if you are a guy who gets all riled up about what I am going to write about tonight, then what I’m writing about doesn’t even pertain to you…so you will be able to just read it and not feel the need to defend mankind.
There should be treasure boxes at the gynocologist office. Kids get plastic rings or stickers for having no cavities. I think a lollipop is in order after being violated.
Tonight a customer told me I smelled so good he couldn’t believe my husband let me out of the house, because someone might try and steal me. I replied, “I guess he didn’t care much for my perfume…….he preferred one called, ‘Scent of Another Woman’….it’s cheap, stinky and you can purchase it at gas stations”.
Deceber 18, 2011
What a crazy year! Going on tour with Justin Bieber as his ASL interpreter during concerts was an enriching experience. I was “found” by a recording studio and they thought I really had what it takes to be an ASL recording artist. It was a fresh, new idea…..however, it never took off. We were told, “it doesn’t make sense”, to make an ASL cd for the deaf community.
Well, I gave it my best, but obviously needed to move on. This was merely the beginning of my adventures……
March 15, 2012
Confession time. Soooooo, ya know how I said I went on tour with Justin Bieber, as his interpreter during concerts? Well, I lied a little…..to him. I don’t even know American Sign Language. His poor deaf fans were probably so confused…..I literally have no idea what I said to them. I take that back, I spelled my name a few times and I’m pretty sure I flipped them off occasionally. Phew, that feels good to get off the ol’ chest.
My sarcasm and wit seem to have been stolen, probably by the gypsy’s. Or maybe by Transformers, the evil ones, the Decepticons. The ram symbol on the front of my car resembles the Transformers symbol and sometimes when I buckle up I half expect for my Neon to turn into Bumblebee’s 2nd cousin, Blue Jay.
Most likely I have been robbed of my sarcasm and wit by my general emotional exhaustion, as well as by everyday life stresses. I guess then, by “robbed” I really mean momentarily hidden….like a scavenger hunt per say. “Per say” what the hell does that really mean?? It’s like the “say” in “per say” is a person, maybe a Jane. “….like a scavenger hunt per Jane”.
So this Jane borrows and hides my sarcasm and wit and now I must borrow a map from Dora(because she is an explorer, duh), per Jane, and rally up a search and rescue team because this is no game in my book, but if it were, it would probably be Sodoku…..because I hear Sodoku is hard and so is the game of life my friends.
I’m pretty competitive so I’m not concerned about my game, I got game and I wear a helmet….play safe and by the rules and you will go far or at least not get hurt as much or disqualified early.
Like an Olympic athlete, I just stuffed my face with the taco meal from jack-in-the-box and I’m about to get a good 5 maybe 6 hours of sleep. I need my rest, big day tomorrow, gotta find my sarcasm and wit. Damn that Jane, damn her per say!
Today has been a day of reflection and ponderment. I may possibly have just combined ponder and wonderment and made up my own word. But that is a moot point. Well, not really, how is ponderment not a word….but moot is? (note to self: submit new word to Webster’s)
Anyhoo, I finally just decided to accept that I may never understand, the world…people…boys…math…cottage cheese…putting fruit on cottage cheese, as if that will make it edible…or, my past. Acceptance is the key to my future…….useless ponderment will only keep me stuck.
I start a blog and all of a sudden I have nothing to say. I’m partially scared to write anything because it’s big time now…..like professional writing, like I may get a Nobel Peace Prize or a doctorate….all because I’m a blogger. I feel like I may get judged now for my poor grammar and punctuation….or maybe I will only speak cliche’. I’m bewildered if I should write in a 5 paragraph essay format, comic book style, or more like the Bible. I’m pretty sure that if I blog Bible style, it may be frowned upon; lonely, confused folks, may start “following’ me because they think I’m starting a cult. Hmmmm, I do own the characteristics of a great leader….I’m not being vain, I’m a Leo, therefore I’m just brilliant and should be in charge of the world….or at the very least a cult. I have always wanted a large family, this cult idea may be worth exploring. Tonight in my prayers I will seek God’s advice about leading a cult.
Alright I’m off to bed….I’m gonna post a couple posts from my facebook, because they make me laugh and I want to archive them here….like a scrap book if you will.
So I have been feeling a little depressed the last couple days. This morning I decided to take a hot steamy bath with a detox concoction my mom made. I got out the sandwich baggie that was filled with enough cocaine like substance that if I got pulled over with that in my car, I would get a ticket for possession as well as distribution…they would try to nail me with manufacturing too…but I would insist they got my high school transcripts and check my chemistry and math grades…..manufacturing would get knocked off very quickly. Sooooo, I’m taking this bath and I start to feel better, seriously! Then the wheels start spinning and I’m thinking, “oh shit!…is this shit really coke? If my mom was a coke user and dealer…..well, that would explain so much over the last 30 years!! Is it considered a relapse if you bathe in coke? I mean yeah, I accidentally drank some……with my cup”. Well, for what it’s worth, I’m feeling better…..I feel like calling my mom right now that’s for sure….and I never feel like calling my mom. I wonder if “mom” is her street name?
leslieism 