leslieism

Currently I am surrounded by people that are on the verge of “giving up”, whatever that may mean to them. I get it. I spent an hour crying in the bath today. And as I sit here, at Shari’s, my head feels so heavy from tears and disappointment I can barely put sentences together for this blog….let alone concentrate on the mountain of homework I need to attack. So I’m going to attack some pie instead and gather my thoughts….and continue on with life. If it were possible, I would carry around a hypodermic needle filled with a rainbow and some love and inject into anyone feeling like “giving up”. Just like the needle full of adrenaline scene in ‘Pulp Fiction’, I would jump start hearts. But alas, it’s not possible. So this is what I am going to do instead…..I’m going to tell you that you will be okay….and so will I.
I’m not going to tell you not to feel your feelings, because it is very important to feel our feelings. Our feelings can fuel us into changing our lives and remind us why we want to change. Crying? I hope you have. Crying for sadness and even happiness for that matter is a release we all need to experience from time to time.
What I am going to tell you may hurt, may make you mad or hopefully help. Our minds are powerful and we can make the “giving up” feeling disappear, by changing our mindset. We have a choice to acknowledge and embrace our pain….indulge it for a minute, because we are human and because it’s vital in our journey of discovering ourselves. Then, we have the choice to let it move in and take over our entire being like a flesh-eating disease, and by flesh I mean, soul. This would be the point where we “give up”. And when you “give up”, I just want it to be understood that not only did we make the choice to do so, but that it was the most selfish act we could ever commit. We have no idea what the future holds for us and what lives we may touch along the way.
Personally, I have lost so much, but ironically, most of what I lost…I never really had in the first place. I have learned to stop judging my insides by other people’s outsides and by doing so, I realize I have in fact, lost nothing. So what does that mean? I want more? More what? Someday, it will all make sense and everything will fall into place for me……and for you.
Today I am not going to “give up” and I pray you will not as well. I am going to eat some pie, do some homework and be thankful for the life I have been given thus far. I will make the necessary adjustments to compliment my disappointments and continue forward. Today I choose to make myself happy. I hope you do the same….and if you are struggling, try some pie; pie is like happiness with a buttery crust.