leslieism

And I continue:

Let me iterate, a phenomenon occurred in court….SWAT removed my resentment and an Angel, kindly scraped out the leftover residue.  I was free. I conceived a life with no more fighting or bitterness for us…for others…the whole damn world.  And although I was ridiculously sad and incredibly vulnerable (from my awesome morning) I didn’t even think about me. Holy shit! It’s not about me! (If you’re keeping tabs on all the phenomenon action happening, take notes now).  I was not concerned with my feelings and the feelings I would have felt in the past would have motivated my need for validation and control.  All I wanted was for there to be more happiness and love…even if it wasn’t for me(because it’s not all about Leslie).  I opened my eyes to the effort my ex husband had recently been displaying with our daughter and decided it was good enough.  Baby steps in the right direction.  Plain and simple, a complicated situation between my ex husband and my daughter and I…just became simple.  If the circumstances remain stable, my daughter has a father again. Happiness and love for my baby.

My ex husband and I can communicate like grown-ups now. We can be in the same room and not choke from tension.  We can talk about his new family…and I feel content, like this makes more sense than we did…and I can wish them happiness and not be lying. 

Okay.  I have no exact rubric or recipe for how I made it to this peaceful place.  Baby steps + trying to live right + positive people in my life + moving forward + courage + honesty + unconditional love= a whole lot of progress and growth and serenity.

Ps. Let’s be real, “bad stuff” should be scattered intermittently throughout “The Leslie Theorem”(weird, it’s like everything is always about me). Life will never run that smoothly and thank goodness for that……we can’t improve ourselves if we’re perfect….so we persevere.

Pps. That little equation(which is merely a rough estimate)also described the relationship that I am currently grieving over. So, therefore, my relationship helped me reach this place of peace, as well.  And one can assume (since we know that each moment creates another) that our breaking up, well, you understand what I’m saying.  I just refuse to say it because it pisses me off.  I can be all tra-la-la-la-la and rainbowy, but I’m still human. I don’t have to understand everything and I certainly don’t need to agree with everything.  I can only accept the way it is right now.  I also accept that it won’t always be like this, whether we get back together or whether we don’t, the sadness will dissipate either way. So, since you brought up the possibility of us getting back together(yes, it was you not me)…do you think sending a singing telegram or perhaps, oh I don’t know, leaving a stray puppy with my name on the collar, on his doorstep….would this be considered “hopping aboard the crazy train”? Lol Do not worry about me. I will persevere.

Alright my friends, I must get some sleep. My story is done for now. Thank you for listening.

May you live in love and happiness.