leslieism

I could not go to bed without writing something for those of you dreading tomorrow.  There is one girl in particular, that I have never met, nor do I know her whole story, but I hope her eyes find this tomorrow so that her heart can find solace.  (Longest run on sentence ever.  Just wanted to be clear that I am fully aware.)

Dearest girl(and anyone else this can help),

Tomorrow is just another day.  I mean sure, it’s technically about some Saint guy with a cool last name.  But in this day and age it’s just a commercialized day of love.  Shoot, I used to tell my ex-husband he was not allowed to buy me flowers on V-Day because they get ridiculously marked up.  I barely liked getting cards on V-day also.  They may as well say “I know I should show you everyday how much I love you, but today I’m supposed to…soooo, I love you.”  I will say, when he bought me a cute maternity outfit on one particular and pregnant love day, it was loving.  Doesn’t even matter that I was so fat it didn’t fit and I had to exchange it for anything size H( House).  Now, I threw in this little piece of memory lane to make a point.  I just told a sweet story about my ex-husband on Valentine’s day…and I didn’t cry…or spit.  I laughed….seriously, I looked like a duplex(85lbs!People thought I was having twins, in like a week, when I was like 4 months prego).  And I must make it clear, after my divorce…especially for the next couple V-days, I did not laugh…but I did cry and I’m sure I spit.  If that is what you need to do tomorrow..do it.  Cry hard, sob in front of the mirror while asking yourself why, why, why?  The asking of the why is actually moot because we usually do not ever know exactly why things happen.  But when sobbing in front of a mirror…it seems to help.  Take tomorrow as a day to love yourself.  You are special, and when you truly see that and when you truly love yourself, everything will fall into place.  Do whatever you need to do to take care of you.  If you think that getting out your child’s arts and crafts supplies to make homemade, cynical, Valentine’s Day cards sounds like a good idea…then do it.  As long as you don’t involve them of course…let them go play with the hot glue gun and some glitter.  If you want to have a pity party…then do it.  But do it right and get some ice-cream.

 The thing is, we have to feel our feelings to move forward.  And feeling our feelings can be messy and ugly and fattening.  But once you get the messy part of the healing process out of the way…you can begin the “clean-up” phase.  Following the “clean-up” is the final stage…rainbows and unicorns.  I am literally riding a unicorn through a rainbow, as we speak.  M’kay?  And my messy part, well, let’s just say there were a lot of snot bubbles involved.  

Tomorrow I am taking my daughter to dinner, a movie, and frozen yogurt; I couldn’t feel happier or more loved.  If I did not have her tomorrow, I would have made plans with my single friends or I would have taken the night to relax.  I probably would have read something uplifting and spiritual because it’s hard to get depressed when you remember how great life really is…and that there is something waiting for every one of us….waiting until the right moment to arrive.  I’ve learned that it arrives faster, like, over night FedX style, when we work on being the best us we can possibly be while waiting for our “package”.  

Sweet girl, I hope this helps some.  I don’t have all the answers, only my experience.  And my experience has taught me how to love myself…so all that crap I trudged through…the mess I called my life…well, sounds so stupid, but it was a gift and I am grateful.  Today I am grateful for all the things that have made me cry because those things were ingredients for a recipe of Leslie.  Those ingredients combined with love…love from friends, family, co-workers, strangers…made me.  Let your experiences and the love from others make you the best damn chocolate chip cookie you can be. Or cake. I prefer to be a thickly frosted piece of cake. I lick my arm a lot. It’s weird and I don’t taste like frosting. 

 Happy Valentine’s Day to you, my dear….and you know what?  I’ve never met you or seen you, BUT….I LOVE YOU!  I really, truly, do and I hope you can feel the love I’m sending telepathically.  Your unicorn will come, and rainbows…well, if you’re looking, you can see them all the time.  DO NOT forget to eat a heart shaped box of chocolates today…that you buy for yourself.  It’s symbolic and I do it every year.  

Much Love,

Leslie  xoxo