leslieism

My sarcasm and wit seem to have been stolen, probably by  the gypsy’s.  Or maybe by Transformers, the evil ones, the Decepticons.  The ram symbol on the front of my car resembles the Transformers symbol and sometimes when I buckle up I half expect for my Neon to turn into Bumblebee’s 2nd cousin, Blue Jay.

Most likely I have been robbed of my sarcasm and wit by my general emotional exhaustion, as well as by everyday life stresses.  I guess then, by “robbed” I really mean momentarily hidden….like a scavenger hunt per say.  “Per say” what the hell does that really mean??  It’s like the “say” in “per say” is a person, maybe a Jane.  “….like a scavenger hunt per Jane”.

So this Jane borrows and hides my sarcasm and wit and now I must borrow a map from Dora(because she is an explorer, duh), per Jane, and rally up a search and rescue team because this is no game in my book,  but if it were, it would probably be Sodoku…..because I hear Sodoku is hard and so is the game of life my friends.

I’m pretty competitive so I’m not concerned about my game, I got game and I wear a helmet….play safe and by the rules and you will go far or at least not get hurt as much or disqualified early.

Like an Olympic athlete, I just stuffed my face with the taco meal from jack-in-the-box and I’m about to get a good 5 maybe 6 hours of sleep.  I need my rest, big day tomorrow, gotta find my sarcasm and wit.  Damn that Jane, damn her per say!

• My feelings are hurting right now…..so I ate some neosporin…………..that shit heals shit quick.

• Some girls get sad and depressed over break ups. I buy sparkly lip gloss instead…………….and apply it to my entire face.

• I ate more frosting. I am going to go for a run now. Frosting is kinda like gatorade. Especially lemon frosting. I put some in a water bottle.

Today has been a day of reflection and ponderment. I may possibly have just combined ponder and wonderment and made up my own word. But that is a moot point. Well, not really, how is ponderment not a word….but moot is? (note to self: submit new word to Webster’s)
Anyhoo, I finally just decided to accept that I may never understand, the world…people…boys…math…cottage cheese…putting fruit on cottage cheese, as if that will make it edible…or, my past. Acceptance is the key to my future…….useless ponderment will only keep me stuck.

I start a blog and all of a sudden I have nothing to say.  I’m partially scared to write anything because it’s big time now…..like professional writing, like I may get a Nobel Peace Prize or a doctorate….all because I’m a blogger.  I feel like I may get judged now for my poor grammar and punctuation….or maybe I will only speak cliche’.  I’m bewildered if I should write in a 5 paragraph essay format, comic book style, or more like the Bible.  I’m pretty sure that if I blog Bible style, it may be frowned upon; lonely, confused folks, may start “following’ me because they think I’m starting a cult.  Hmmmm, I do own the characteristics of a great leader….I’m not being vain, I’m a Leo, therefore I’m just brilliant and should be in charge of the world….or at the very least a cult.  I have always wanted a large family, this cult idea may be worth exploring.  Tonight in my prayers I will seek God’s advice about leading a cult.

Alright I’m off to bed….I’m gonna post a couple posts from my facebook, because they make me laugh and I want to archive them here….like a scrap book if you will.

So I have been feeling a little depressed the last couple days. This morning I decided to take a hot steamy bath with a detox concoction my mom made. I got out the sandwich baggie that was filled with enough cocaine like substance that if I got pulled over with that in my car, I would get a ticket for possession as well as distribution…they would try to nail me with manufacturing too…but I would insist they got my high school transcripts and check my chemistry and math grades…..manufacturing would get knocked off very quickly. Sooooo, I’m taking this bath and I start to feel better, seriously! Then the wheels start spinning and I’m thinking, “oh shit!…is this shit really coke? If my mom was a coke user and dealer…..well, that would explain so much over the last 30 years!! Is it considered a relapse if you bathe in coke? I mean yeah, I accidentally drank some……with my cup”. Well, for what it’s worth, I’m feeling better…..I feel like calling my mom right now that’s for sure….and I never feel like calling my mom. I wonder if “mom” is her street name?

You people (like 5 or 6 people…maybe 7) asked….and I am now giving you…dun dun dunnn……LESLIEISM.  I specifically and strategically chose my profile picture, knowing it will help attract followers.  Men like whoreish bathroom pics and women like stylish bathroom ideas….I have already begun to meet the needs of all the 5,6, or 7 of you.  If I get a modeling contract offer due to my bathroom picture, well, that will just be a happily, unexpected bonus.

I have a lot on my plate currently and my creative juice maker has had an electrical shortage, therefore, to buy myself some creative juicing time….I am going to post some of my favorites off of my facebook.  If that bores you, you will definitely not want to follow me because you are a boring person, lacking a sense of humor and should probably find God and ask him for one….or just remove the stick from your ass and begin to enjoy life.

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