leslieism

You are going to die tomorrow…..are you pleased with your life?  Will you die happy?  Have you been the best person you can be while residing in this world?  

Lately I have received some negativity, mostly about my maturity or rather that I need some.  Here’s the deal, if I die tomorrow….I can die with a smile…….can YOU?  I hope so, however, it’s none of my business.  Just like what other people think about me is none of my business…..I just need to keep reminding my ego of this saving grace.

My ego gets me in all kinds of bad news….not the good kind of bad news, but the bad kind of bad news.  Yeah, we are talking “National Enquirer” kind of bad news.  I recently let my ego allow a guy into my life that treated me poorly.  My ego kept telling me that he was going to be nicer to me soon….because I’m special.  Well, I taught my ego a lesson (hopefully) because it did not end with me feeling special…unless you consider trash special.

I am in control of my own self-worth, my happiness, my success…..I define myself.  What do you want your definition to say?

This week has been troublesome for me….the crease in my forehead may have even deepened and I made a new little buddy, I call him Mr. Grey Hair.  On one particular day, as the world took a nap on my shoulders and my eyes were looking for any excuse to unleash the wetness from within; I was confronted with the angel of perspective.

A beautiful woman in her early twenties with a head lacking hair, tears in her eyes and carrying her two year old daughter, visited my line at work.  I asked her if she was okay and she chuckled a chuckle that told me she couldn’t believe what was happening, while shaking her head.  Perspective.  

I may have  a child in therapy, money problems, relationship issues of all varieties…….I am lucky.  I chuckle a chuckle that says that I cannot believe I forgot how lucky I am.

If I die tomorrow…….I hope I enjoyed the shit out of life while I could and I mostly hope I treated people kindly and with as much love as I had to offer.

I also hope I wasn’t afraid to give hugs and that I gave them freely and without judgment.  I wanted to give that woman a hug, but I thought too hard about it, so I didn’t.  I am still sad today that caring about what other people would think, influenced a much needed hug.

Hug freely, smile, mind your own business and define yourself.