leslieism

As I awake from yet another nightmare involving my ex-husband; I finally deduce the correlation between eating ice-cream right before bed and having my unpleasant dreams.  I must admit, I made this discovery while sitting on the couch in the dark, eating another ice-cream bar.  I laugh out loud quietly as I picture my readers thinking, if even for just a fleeting moment, that my ex-husband must have beat me with ice-cream bars.  I myself am puzzled.  He does not work for an ice-cream factory, he is not obese and I see no connection between baldness and ice-cream, nor do I see the necessity in even mentioning his baldness, that was merely for jokes(for the record I think bald is sexy). I can only conceive this notion: eating ice-cream together while watching movies is a pleasant memory and something I fancy I miss.

I do not jest when I tell you that between these two paragraphs, I took a twenty minute break…..pacing in my kitchen, crying and talking to myself.  I discussed, with myself, the simple truth of it all; the fact that my ex-husband is having a baby within the nine months of our finalized divorce, well, I guess it’s final.  He is not coming back for us.  You see, in my fairy tale dream world, he comes back and fixes everything and loves me more than words can express…..and I probably wear a tiara and forest animals help me clean house.

After eight years of hard work, struggle and heartache, why would I cry over a small good memory and more importantly, why would I want him back?  Because my fairy tale dream world is easier than dating.  Because I don’t know if I will ever be able to let another man completely know me.  

Well, I have been writing this short piece for over an hour now and I have eaten 2 more ice-cream bars and leftovers from dinner.  I am almost afraid to fall asleep, because quite frankly, most of my fond memories with my ex-husband revolve around food…..except for the few times we threw it at each other….very angrily.  Strange, I still eat Taco Bell quite regularly and I have thrown it at him after some nasty name calling.  I suppose my whole “ice-cream eating before bed causes nightmares about my ex-husband” theory just got thrown out the front door.  

Dang it, ultimately the nightmares just mean that I got issues…..or an eating disorder of some sort…..either way, they are both going on the shelf because momma needs some sleep.