leslieism

Ten days ago(but who’s counting)(not me) a relationship I hold dear to my heart, ended.  Trying to write a blog about what I am experiencing has proven to be rather difficult.  You see, I write about personal, negative events, give it a positive spin with a “the moral to the story is…”throw in some humor…maybe some politically incorrectness and wal-lah.  This confounded ordeal however, has no negativity…despite my sadness, the whole thing wreaks of positivity and happiness and spiritual enlightenment.  I feel like a “hallelujah” and a “praise the Lord” should be said aloud. Right now. So do it.  Now here’s my story:

I didn’t learn about unconditional love until a few years ago. Being given pure unconditional love taught me how to love myself. Once I began loving myself I was able to give unconditional love to others.  Weights were getting lifted off my shoulders left and right.  Romantic love was out of the question for me, however, especially unconditional romantic love. 

My marriage literally traumatized my heart. I no longer(if I ever even did)knew what love was or what it meant.  At one point I thought I was “cured” of my marital pain.  Evidently I was not.  I couldn’t understand why it felt as if I still cared. -I’m going to skip ahead now:

For the past year I’ve been in a relationship that has changed me, forever, and I’m grateful.  When I started feeling romantic love towards this man, I fought it with every ounce of my being. All I knew is: love=pain.  Eventually I realized my feelings were not going away. What do I do with that? Well, first,  I had to admit I was afraid of getting hurt.  Second, I had to determine if my love was unconditional…no expectations or strings attached.  Third, I had to know that I love myself enough to accept the aftermath of my confession.

To be continued…