leslieism

I might have chosen the path of,”the crazy cat lady”, this week. And as my furry, purring, loving, little man, rests on my shoulder as I type; I’m more than content with my current decision. I was so demoralized by a barrage of disheartening messages this week that I finally broke down a few nights ago. The message that “broke the straw on the forlorn camel’s back”, was from a woman concerned about my “relationship” with her husband. 1. There is absolutely nothing to be concerned about and 2. This is the second wife in just a few months. (insert crying) Obviously at this point I have to figure out why I’m the common denominator. Hmmm, because I’m a 35 year old single woman…I must be on the prowl? Not even remotely. Well then, I’m a friend to both and have been for 5 and 20 years. And because I believe in loyalty and holy matrimony; I also believe a friendship with a married man is acceptable, because he is a taken man….and I know their wives and respect their marriage. So I’ve concluded that the common denominator is marital problems that have absolutely nothing to do with me. Now… before, between, and after those messages…was more of the demoralizing barrage, I spoke of. I’m spent by the inconceivable amount of men that disrespect me and see me as nothing more than, well, a vagina.

Receiving messages from guys(strangers, old boyfriends from the last 15 years, new aquiantances, etc.) asking if I’d like to, “hook up”, or at least send them pictures (does this shit really work on women and if so, its time to invest in some self-esteem workshops) because you know, “we’re adults”, doesn’t flatter me…the exact opposite of flatter really, it makes me feel dirty and want to bathe in bleach. (Insert another round of tears) I mean, are you kidding me? Does it look like we live in an episode of Sex in the City? Drinking Cosmos(hell, I’m an alcoholic, I definitely don’t get to do that), getting my hair and nails done, all while stressing over which designer dress I can afford this week. Do I look like I own a pair of $400 high heels? Let’s be honest, if I even had $400 to spend on shoes, I’d get some new cleats. But I’d look around for the best deal because I’d also like a bat. What am I going to do with expensive, pretty shoes? Wear them on a date? These men are not so much interested in me wearing shoes. In fact, no shoes…no shirt…yes service…that is the sign hanging in their fantasy shop window.

Listen, I’m a single mom, of a daughter. It’s my job to teach her how a man should treat a woman. It’s my duty to make her believe that our brains and personality are important…to the man that matters. And I can only preach what I practice…so I am practicing with a fierce determination.

One day I’ll meet someone. He will let me be me and he will cherish all of me. He will understand me and also be conscious of the fact that sometimes I just can’t be understood. He will appreciate my independence…but if I ask for help, he will not make me feel less than. He’ll know when to leave me alone and when to wrap me in a bear hug. He’ll be able to carry on relevant as well as irrelevant conversations. He will have an open-minded sense of humor. He will be supportive of my endeavors. And most importantly, he will value me as a mother and treat my daughter with the same respect and love he showers upon me.

I may sound like I’m looking to enter a Nicholas Sparks novel. I’m really not. I’m just trying super hard to avoid entering into a Playboy. I’m not going to give up hope just yet. I don’t believe this is as good as it gets in the dating world. And in the meantime, when I’m not wearing my cleats, well…who says I need a man to wear pretty shoes?